Drafts I reviewed: Jake Glatting and Brittany Newland
1. The purpose of my original paper was to try and get the audience, government officials and the public, to try and pass legislation to increase federal funding for stem cell research. I was able to reach the audience by asking for action specifically to the officials who can make a change to do it. I did this by explaining the benefits of stem cells and why they aren't so much a controversy anymore so they should be brought to light as a revolutionary medical treatment that can help humanity.
2.I am revising this paper to clean up any punctuation errors or sentence fragments to make a pristine piece that follows the prompt and that calls attention to the point I am making. Revising is important because if I turn in the paper I have now it would be a broken piece that makes some sense but is dampened by the many grammatical errors.
3. I am revising for my audience to clearly understand the article I am writing. I need to revise in order to make sure I am addressing them properly and that I am get my purpose across.
4. Length- I think I am going to increase the length slightly so I can add more information.
Format- I am going to do an opinion for a newspaper
Appearance- It will look a bit more professional
Use of Evidence- I think I use enough evidence in this piece
Intro and Conclusion- Both are done well so I won't change too much other than wording.
Structure of your Argument- There isn't much I want to change with this.
Depth of your Argument- This I want to change to include more data and information to support my argument and make it more sturdy.
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